i can't believe i had my finger in that
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
