My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
