HIV tests are more positive than that guy
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
