thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
