u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
