Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
