I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
