it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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