yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
