a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
