Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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