In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
