I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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