We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
