Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
