Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
