the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
