make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's official drugs can't kill me
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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