yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
