Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
