he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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