Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Im part way to drunk.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Someone signed my nipple.
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