what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
