I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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