You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
