then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
