I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
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I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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