Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
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NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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