Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
