im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
