I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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