You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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