I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
