Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
