absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
