she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
