Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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