i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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