I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
