forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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