Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT