i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?