Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.