I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
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I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
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It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....