Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.