Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sext me about skeletons
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