she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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