You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
