I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
