i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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