He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
