called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
