You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize