this just has baby written all over it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
