I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
