He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
