I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
