I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
