Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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