Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
