I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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