apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
