I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
