The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
