Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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