my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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